You’ve heard it many times. You should eat whole foods, like fresh fruit and vegetables, and avoid the processed stuff. No flour, no sugar and no hormone-injected animal flesh. And I agree with all of this, in principle anyway. I know it’s right and I know that a healthier diet leads to a healthier and happier life. But as my brother always said, “It’s not my fault that Ho-Ho’s taste better than broccoli.”
But here in 2010, and especially here in Pakistan., we have gotten so far away from a diet that even slightly resembles the food your body is intended to consume. I’ve heard people say that we should eat what a caveman would eat, which I pretty much do, assuming the caveman is Fred Flintstone. So let’s try to be a little bit responsible tonight and take a quiz that asks the eternal question, “Exactly what is in that crap that you’re eating?” Have fun, no cheating and no taking breaks for a Ho-Ho or Ring-Ding or Devil Dog or Scooter Pie or Yodel or Sno-Ball or Twinkie or Zinger or…
And yes, all this junk below is coming from my kitchen cabinet.
1. Which can not be found in a can of Chicken of the Sea albacore tuna?
a. Vegetable broth
b. Salt
c. Pyrophosphate
d. Monosodium glutamate
2. A serving of Sugar Free Jell-O contains none of the following except?
a. Saturated Fat
b. Sodium
c. Carbohydrate
d. Trans Fat
3. Which does All Natural Pam Olive Oil Spray not contain?
a. Olive Oil
b. Grain alcohol
c. Ferrous Sulfate
d. Lecithin
4. Rice-A-Roni contains three of these unpronounceable things. Which one did I make up?
a. disodium inosinate
b. disodium guanylate
c. ferric orthophosphate
d. ferric crossthemersey
5. Which contain fructose?
a. Berries
b. Corn
c. Parsnips
d. All of the above
6. Why are there only six questions in this quiz?
a. I’m running out of products in my cabinet
b. This quiz is boring me spitless
c. The Daily Show is starting
d. All of the above.
ANSWERS
1. MONOSODIUM GLUTAMATE. So what?
2. SODIUM. So Jell-O has a trace of salt. It won’t kill you, you big baby.
3. FERROUS SULFATE. Didn’t I say it was “natural’?
4. If you laughed at FERRIC CROSSTHEMERSEY you have a great sense of humor. And you’re old.
5. ALL OF THE ABOVE. It’s high fructose corn syrup that comes from, well you figure it out.
6. ALL OF THE ABOVE. But mostly “b.” I knew I should have tossed this post-it the other night when I had the chance.
But here in 2010, and especially here in Pakistan., we have gotten so far away from a diet that even slightly resembles the food your body is intended to consume. I’ve heard people say that we should eat what a caveman would eat, which I pretty much do, assuming the caveman is Fred Flintstone. So let’s try to be a little bit responsible tonight and take a quiz that asks the eternal question, “Exactly what is in that crap that you’re eating?” Have fun, no cheating and no taking breaks for a Ho-Ho or Ring-Ding or Devil Dog or Scooter Pie or Yodel or Sno-Ball or Twinkie or Zinger or…
And yes, all this junk below is coming from my kitchen cabinet.
1. Which can not be found in a can of Chicken of the Sea albacore tuna?
a. Vegetable broth
b. Salt
c. Pyrophosphate
d. Monosodium glutamate
2. A serving of Sugar Free Jell-O contains none of the following except?
a. Saturated Fat
b. Sodium
c. Carbohydrate
d. Trans Fat
3. Which does All Natural Pam Olive Oil Spray not contain?
a. Olive Oil
b. Grain alcohol
c. Ferrous Sulfate
d. Lecithin
4. Rice-A-Roni contains three of these unpronounceable things. Which one did I make up?
a. disodium inosinate
b. disodium guanylate
c. ferric orthophosphate
d. ferric crossthemersey
5. Which contain fructose?
a. Berries
b. Corn
c. Parsnips
d. All of the above
6. Why are there only six questions in this quiz?
a. I’m running out of products in my cabinet
b. This quiz is boring me spitless
c. The Daily Show is starting
d. All of the above.
ANSWERS
1. MONOSODIUM GLUTAMATE. So what?
2. SODIUM. So Jell-O has a trace of salt. It won’t kill you, you big baby.
3. FERROUS SULFATE. Didn’t I say it was “natural’?
4. If you laughed at FERRIC CROSSTHEMERSEY you have a great sense of humor. And you’re old.
5. ALL OF THE ABOVE. It’s high fructose corn syrup that comes from, well you figure it out.
6. ALL OF THE ABOVE. But mostly “b.” I knew I should have tossed this post-it the other night when I had the chance.
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